1) Losing my first dog Charley - Was a decent year but I wasn't working from summer through to winter in 2012 so was spending so much time with my dog at the end of my dog's life, at the time I obviously didn't know my dog would take cancer right before Christmas and die a week later, By the vets advice we decided to put Charley down, she had multiple tumours. I was in shock for a couple of weeks and was still very busy because my Granda was in hospital at the time. I felt so lonely and confused, I was in a bad place. Only looking back did I realise how badly it affected me. I felt guilt for a while, why was I 21 and living and my dog dies at 24. Over time although I'll never get over losing Charley it does not affect my day to day life in the slightest.
2) Losing my Gran - I lost my Gran 7 months after my dog, it wasn't as upsetting or tragic, I was still shocked my Gran passed away but she had been suffering dementia for a few years and she wasn't getting any better. I think because my family were upset it also made me partly hold it in but then get upset alone.
3) Love - I was in love. I made mistakes, I didn't take it as seriously as I could. I miss that love but I'm more happier being single right now. I love girls though, they are so sweet and caring, I'm still a single guy at the end of the day, boys will be boys but I do hope one day I find some more love and I have a family, that's really my biggest dream if I'm honest.
So those 3 things in the end actually changed me for the better. I have ended up improving in various aspects of my life because I can connect with others and I'm more open that I've ever been. I was open before but now it comes from a happier heart. I took advantage of some people. I sort of preached things but then didn't hold true to them. I lied to myself sometimes too. But I don't regret because I grew and became someone I'm happy with. I found my purpose and what makes me happy, it takes time. Here is things I changed in my life physically and mentally.
Less materials - This one makes me focus more on socialising and helping others by removing my thoughts of thinking about materials that I don't actually need.
Less internet usage - I use my phone in house still but I hardly ever use Youtube now. I don't want to be rich or famous any more, I actually just want to be poor and popular. I couldn't be rich knowing some kid in Africa can't feed themselves. It's sad and eye opening really.
Spend more time with girls - I go through spells usually when I meet lots of girls etc then have quiet spells. I want to keep those busy spells, girls make me so happy. I always smile when I'm around girls whether it's a friend, attractive girl etc.
Live in present - I stop planning for the future, I just enjoy life at that very moment.
I am getting tired now but everything is coming together lately. I just have to keep humble, honest and caring.
